toeknee

We tell people they are “strong” when we are uncomfortable with their pain and would prefer that they shut up and not bother us with it. To say “but you are strong” is telling someone “I don’t think you should feel that way,” and it’s not a compliment. I don’t think that strength means being invulnerable, or pretending that you are. The belief that silence and stoicism are inherently good qualities is how you end up dressed up like a bat punching criminals in an alley – it’s not a good road to emotional health.
Be sad. Be angry. Let your heart break – in the diner, on someone’s futon, in the park, on the way to the zoo, at brunch, over drinks, in the therapist’s office, on the bus – Wherever it breaks, let it break all the way open, let it run out and down and spread out in a soggy puddle at your feet. Say, “I’m sorry, I can’t listen to you today, my heart is broken. Will you sit with me a while and I’ll tell you about it?“

Say, “I can’t take care of you today, but you can take care of me, and maybe tomorrow I will take care of you, and we can trade off like that for a while, okay?”

Say, “I love you, and I love that you think I’m strong, but I don’t feel like being strong today. I feel like being angry and crazy and sad. Can we go to the movies or just sit here quietly or take a walk or talk about it or not talk about it?“

Your friends may get scared when you do this. If you, the “strong” one can break, what does that say about them? That’s why they push back at you and try to remind you of your strength, when what you need is for them to stand by you in your pain and weakness. They don’t have to solve that pain, they just have to bear witness to it. Maybe they don’t know how – a lot of people don’t know what to do in the face of other people’s pain. They want to fix everything, and if they can’t fix it they feel inadequate. As the “strong” one you can help them out with this by saying “You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to do anything. Just be with me, and listen, and love me, and I’ll love you back. That’s all I need – to know that you love me, even when I’m sad and scared and don’t know what to do next.”

I’m going to be outdoors for these three days at ROMP Bluegrass Music Festival. Another forecast is saying 109 on Friday and Saturday. Yikes. 

I’m going to be outdoors for these three days at ROMP Bluegrass Music Festival. Another forecast is saying 109 on Friday and Saturday. Yikes. 

He had destroyed his talent by not using it, by betrayals of himself and what he believed in, by drinking so much that he blunted the edge of his perceptions, by laziness, by sloth, and by snobbery, by pride and prejudice, by hook and crook.

—Ernest Hemingway, “The Snows of Kilimanjaro”

Fuck you, Monday.

Fuck you, Monday.

Couldn’t sleep last night so I watched “V for Vendetta” and wondered why it had been so long.

Bonnaroo 2012 Lineup

Radiohead * Red Hot Chili Peppers * Phish * The Beach Boys * Bon Iver * The Avett Brothers * The Shins * Foster the People * Skrillex * Aziz Ansari * Dispatch * Feist * The Roots * Alice Cooper * Superjam * Black Star * The Word * Ludacris * Ben Folds Five * Flogging Molly * Spectrum Road * Mac Miller * Childish Gambino * Major Lazer * Tune-Yards * Afrocubism * Flying Lotus * Umphrey’s McGee * Little Dragon * St. Vincent * City and Colour * The Civil Wars * Young the Giant * Two Door Cinema Club * Punch Brothers * NeedToBreathe * Fitz & The Tantrums * Bad Brains * Yelawolf * Dawes * Battles * Danny Brown * The Black Lips * SBTRKT * Phantogram * Kendrick Lamar * Charles Bradley and his Extraordinaires * The Kooks * The Joy Formidable * The Antlers * Kathleen Edwards * Mimosa * Kurt Vile & The Violators * Alabama Shakes * Das Racist * Delta Spirit * Gary Clark Jr. * Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk * Laura Marling * Trampled By Turtles * Mogwai * The War On Drugs * Ben Howard * Grouplove * Blind Pilot * ALO * The Devil Makes Three * White Denim * Ema * Here We Go Magic * K-Flay * The Lonely Forest * Mariachi El Bronx * Big Freedia * Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. * The Soul Rebels * Kvelertak * Soja * Steven Bernstein’s MTO Plays Sly * Big Gigantic * Sarah Jarosz * Orgone * Darondo * Fruit Bats * Moon Taxi